What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 05:54
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Your Gmail Inbox Is Running Slow. Do These Things to Fix It - WIRED
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I said to her
What did i know ?
Mariners fall flat again: 'We'll keep fighting' - The Seattle Times
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
My family never makes their pension either.
Why are black people seen as scary or a threat to some people?
My mum and dad in the seventies!
My life is so biszare .
So whats the point in blame.
What is your age now, and what age do you prefer to stay at forever?
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Has any man licked his wife's vagina while another man had sex with her?
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Put me off passion for life!!
But ive been too sick for many years..
I feel like my boyfriend doesn't love me. Why?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
How do you identify a woman player?
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Why did i forgive my father ?
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
When was the first time you felt discriminated against because you were female?
All the time i was locked up.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Legion of 50 strong as Seahawks reveal Top 50 players in franchise history - Field Gulls
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
When she asked me how she looked .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
US Steel workers see hope of job security in deal with Japan’s Nippon - Financial Times
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
So, i spoilt her more .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Microsoft belatedly attempts to tame USB-C confusion with its rules for PC OEMs - Ars Technica
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I was seconnd youngest,
The #1 Breakfast to Eat to Support Your Metabolism, According to Dietitians - EatingWell
One cannot live in the past .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
It was going to be , some day.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
And who doesn’t know suffering?
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
This is soul school!.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
She married twice! .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
He resisted the act ,that day.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
He knew the spot.
I don,t even have a pension.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Would this be the day?
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Comes on , in middle age.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I was 9 years of age.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I will be 64.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
She wouldn,t have been !
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Who then, do I blame.?
(And it was in our own minds.)
I did it because my mum asked me too!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
She loved him until the end.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
She was in good health!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I couldn’t, believe it.
She found it foreign!.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I was scared of men, in general
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I write beautiful poetry .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
But it wasn’t much.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Ive learnt so much.
I think the readers, may guess!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I have no regrets .
We were not on the streets..
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Was to survive, this bastard.
We all went to grammer schools
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
And i lived it daily.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I waited trembling.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
But, we were locked up after school.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I was very sick at this time too.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Im still living with it.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
The only rule us 5 kids had .
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)